Where does the line begin, or end, when it comes to someone’s abilities and willpower, or their mental illness? When does their mental illness overlap excuses? Do we play into it?

Overthinking and worrying has been a life-long struggle for me. I don’t know why, but I obsess and dwell on things. Even in being completely aware of myself overthinking in a specific moment, I can be powerless over the situation, yet not know how to solve the problem of over-thinking. So it’s like watching myself.. and, like I said, not know how to stop. But I also question if I play into the idea of overthinking, as being a symptom of having a mental illness. I do not broadcast myself in that light, but I guess a way to liberate myself from some of it is to talk about it. I suppose that is one way to regain a sense of control, maybe?

I can watch myself pace around in this state of mind, and then I may think about how much of my life that I waste by overthinking. In making art, mid-conversation, driving, in the shower, … the symptom does not take prisoners.

I suppose I still try to do anything physically, besides decay in my mind like this. Even if I overthink existence while I’m making art, at least there will be an end result.. such as a masterpiece. If I’m going to uncontrollably think, I might as well attempt to do something else that will give me a positive end result.

I may think of something else to add to this, but this is all I have for now. I suppose this is a good sign in that I am not overthinking.